Home Page: http://www.pastornet.net.au/jmm POLITICALLY CORRECT VERSION OF 'THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!' 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves" "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety Released to the wilds by the Humane Society And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E P A And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened" And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation Demanding millions in over-due compensation So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz Demanding from now on her title was Ms And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion Nothing of leather, nothing of fur Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her Nothing that might be construed to pollute Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise Nothing for just girls. Or just for boys Nothing that claimed to be gender specific Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was ecological No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt; Besides; playing sports exposed kids to dirt Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next He tried to be merry, tried to be gay But you've got to be careful with that word today His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision Each group of people, every religion; Every ethnicity, every hue Everyone, everywhere ... even you So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth" ============================== CHRISTMAS QUIZ 1996 VERSION I am sending along a copy of a Christmas Quiz we enjoy here in Wisconsin. I don't know where it came from but I have changed it a bit through the years. It has brought joy to some and has even caused a few to read the Bible during a busy season of the year. Pastor Wayne Dobratz St. Stephen Lutheran Church Horicon, WI USA 1) As long as Christmas has been celebrated, it has been on Dec. 25th. True or False 2) Joseph was from a) Bethlehem b)Jerusalem c) Nazareth d) Egypt e) None of the above 3) Mary and Joseph were married when Mary became pregnant. True or False 4) Mary and Joseph were married when Jesus was born. True or False 5) A manger is a) a stable b) a wooden hay storage bin c) a feeding trough d) unknown d6) Who saw the Star in the East? a) Shepherds b) Mary & Joseph c) Three Kings d) both a & c e) None of the above 7) How many angels spoke to the shepherds? a) one b) three c) A multitude d) none of the above 8) What is a heavenly host? a) the angel at the gate of heaven b) The angel who invites people to heaven c) The angel who serves drinks in heaven d) an angel choir e) an angel army f) None of the above 9) What is "Frankincense"? a) a precious metal b) a precious fabric c) a precious perfume d) None of the above 10) What is "Myrrh"? a) an easily shaped metal. b) A spice used for burying a body c) a drink d) After-shave lotion e) None of the above 11) How many Wise Men came to see Jesus? Write the number: 12) What does "Wise Men" refer to? a) Men of the educated class who were astrologers b) They were Eastern Kings c) They were smart enough to follow the Star d) They were "sages". 13) The Wise Men found Jesus in a a) manger b) stable c) house d) Holiday Inn e) good mood 14) The Wise Men stopped in Jerusalem a) to inform Herod about Jesus b) To find out where Jesus was c) to ask about the Star they saw d) for supplies e) to buy presents for Jesus 15) Where do we find the Christmas Story to check up on all these ridiculous questions? a) Matthew b) Mark c) Luke d) John e) all of the above f) Only Matthew & Mark g) only Matthew & Luke h) Only Matthew, Mark & Luke 16) Joseph took the baby Jesus to Egypt a) to show him the pyramids b) to teach him the wisdom of the Pharaohs c) to put him in the reeds by the water d) because he dreamed about it e) to be taxed f) None of the above 17) Circle the true items about the real St. Nicholas: a) He was the Bishop of a Church in Anatolia b) He gave gifts to the poor c) He is the patron Saint of Russia, of children and of sailors d) is known as Father Christmas in England, Grandfather Frost in Russia and Pere Noel in France e) is known as a great cross-country skier and snowboarder in Norway. --- Put this answer page on the back of the sheet ------- ANSWER SHEET TO THE CHRISTMAS QUIZ 1996 Version 1) False 2) C 3) False 4) True 5) C 6) E 7) A 8) E 9) C 10) B 11) Unknown 12) A 13) C 14) B 15) G 16) D 17) A,B,C,D Count up the number correct and grade yourself as follows: 14-17 correct You're a walking Christmas Encyclopedia! 10-13 correct You listened most of the time in Church 7-9 correct Read any Christmas cards lately? 4-6 correct Where have you been living? Iraq? 1-3 correct Let me tell you about the first Christmas ____________________________
Continue with the next part.
Answering Islam Home Page